Pred poroko:

On: »Yesss! To! Končno sem dočakal!«
Ona: »Hočeš, da grem?«
On: »NE! Niti pomislil nisem na to!«
Ona: »Me ljubiš?«
On: »Seveda!«
Ona: »Si me kdaj prevaral?«
On: »Ne! Zakaj sploh sprašuješ?«
Ona: »Me želiš poljubiti?«
On: »Pa še kako!«
Ona: »Me želiš udariti?«
On: »Ni šans! Nisem jaz tak človek!«
Ona: »Ti lahko verjamem?«

In zdaj, po poroki:........ preberi ta tekst od spodaj navzgor! 

Queen Elizabeth, George Bush and Slobodan Milosevic died and went
straight to hell. Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England: I want to call
England and see how everybody is doing there". She called and talked
for about 5 minutes, and then she asked "Well, Devil, how much do I
owe you?" The devil says "Five million pounds". She wrote him a cheque
and went to sit back on her chair.

George Bush was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna
call the United States; I want to see how everybody is doing there
too." He called and talked for about 2 minutes, and then he asked
"Well, Devil, how much do I owe you?" The devil says "Ten million
dollars". With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to
sit back on his chair.

Slobo was even more jealous and starts screaming, "I want to call
Serbia too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too. I want to
talk to the ministers, to the deputy; I want to talk to Seselj,
everybody..." He calls Serbia and he talks for about twenty hours, he
talked and talked and talked, then he asked, "Well, Devil, how much do
I owe you?" The devil says "One dollar". Slobo is stunned and says
"One dollar? Only one freaking dollar?"The Devil says "Well if you
make a call from one hell to another hell, it's local".

Ahhhahahahahahah

Kaj smo se naucili ob gledanju pornicev?

- Zenske imajo v postelji zmeraj obute visoke pete.
- Moski nikoli ne zatajijo.
- 10 sekund moskega na zenski je vec kot dovolj.
- Ko neznani moski zaloti zensko pri samozadovoljevanju, se ta ne
prestrasi, ampak hoce na vsak nacin obdelati se njega.
- Zenske se zadovoljno smehljajo, ko jim moski koncajo na obraz.
- Zenske imajo najraje spolni odnos z grdim malim moskim srednjih let.
- Zenske nekontrolirano momljajo, ko z usti zadovoljujejo moski spolni ud.
- Zenske vedno dozivijo orgazem istocasno z moskimi.
- Vse zenske med seksom kricijo.
- Ljudje v 70-ih niso mogli obcevati, ce ni bilo v ozadju mocnega
zvoka solo kitare.
- Vse prsi so resnicne.
- Normalen in sprejemljiv spolni odnos je, ce moski izvlece napol
nabrekli spolni ud in z njim udarja po zenski zadnjici.
- Moski vedno kricijo "OH YEAH", ko jim pride.
- Pri dvojni penetraciji je zenska vedno nasmejana.
- Moski iz Azije ne obstajajo.
- Ce ravno pristopis, ko moski in zenska seksata v grmovju, nima moski
nic proti, ce svoj penis porines zenski v usta.
- Ce si zensko vzames od zadaj, jo zares vzburis, ce jo narahlo pocis
po zadnjici.
- Vse medicinske sestre sesajo spolne ude pacientov.
- Ce zalotis svoje dekle pri spolnem odnosu s svojim najboljsim
prijateljem, jo za trenuetk presenetis, nato pa bo obdelala kar oba.
- Zenske nikoli nimajo glavobolov. Ali menstruacije.
- Zadnjicne luknje so ciste.
- Ko moski konca na zadnjico od zenske, je to vrhunec za oba.
- Zenske so zmeraj presenecene, ko moskemu odprejo hlace in tam
najdejo njegov spolni ud.
- Moskim ni potrebno nikoli prositi.
- Ko moskemu, ki stoji, zenska klece obdeluje njegov spolni ud, jo
mora zmeraj z eno roko drzati za glavo, z drugo pa se ponosno drzati
za svoje premozenje.
- Med tem ko mu ga zenska klece obdeluje, ji mora moski vedno drzati
lase tako, da ji ne padejo na obraz, vsaj ne na tisti strani, ki gleda
iz TV-ja...
- Ko moski izpusti svoj vitaminsko-beljakovinski balzam, cuti zenska
neizmerno potrebo, da si ga razmaze po prsih, trebuhu in vratu...
- Vsi imajo med seksom prav neverjetno umazane podplate.

Omfg, pa še vse je res

^^ absolutno nč ne štekam!!! 

Pa ni problem v moji angleščini...

A jaaa 

Morš bit ekspert za to, kako japonci izgovarjajo angleščino, da sploh lahko vic razvozlaš 

Včeraj sem srečal prjatlco:
" Živjo! Ej, ti povem en vic, ampak vic, da ti joški dol padejo!"
Potem sem jo malo bolje pogledal ……….pa ga je verjetno že slišala....


OMG 

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting
loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water
and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because
it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would
blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
and he was upstairs sound asleep.
She looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck,
gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and,
gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of his underpants
and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream
and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained
underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said:
'Honey, you were right.'
'All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.'
'What do you mean?' asked his wife.

'Well, you always told me that one day I would
end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
'But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers,
I think I got most of them back in.'

sori k je v anglescini ampak res se mi ne da prevajat tega