Probite tole:

Microsoft ima natančen popis vseh uporabnikov katerega koli sistema Windows. Temu se ne moremo izogniti niti tisti, ki uporabljamo piratsko verzijo, ker na podlagi IP-ja lahko vseeno natančno določijo ime uporabnika. Bivši uslužbenec Microsofta Pete Green je razkril, kako se lahko prepričaš, da je to res:

1) Pod START izberi ACCESSORIES (pripomočki) in nato CALCULATOR (kalkulator)

2) Pod VIEW (pogled) izberi SCIENTIFIC (znanstveno)

3) Napiši številko 781292

4) Izberi HEX (heksadecimalni sistem) in na zaslonu se bo izpisalo kdo si!

 

RAZSTAVA CVETJA:

Dve stari mamci se pogovarjata na razstavi cvetja. Pa reče prva: "Šit no, kok je dolgčas, nič se ne dogaja".
Pa reče druga: ''Ma za pet dolarjev bi se slekla in odlaufala en krog po razstavi, bi se saj neki dogajal''.
Pa reče prva: ''Evo ti pet dolarjev''.
Vzame druga pet dolarjev, se sleče in odlaufa iz šotora. Čez nekaj minut se sliši gromozanski aplavz. Prva tastara posluša in ji nič ni jasno.Čez nekaj časa pride druga nazaj v šotor in jo prva vpraša: ''Kva pa je blo? A so teb
ploskal?''
''Ja men so ploskal ja, p***a jim materina, dobila sem nagrado za najboljšo ikebano iz posušenega cvetja''. 


MEDVED, LISICA IN OSEL

Gredo medved, lisica in osel na upravno enoto po gradbeno dovoljenje. Prvi vstopi medved, ker je največji in najmočnejši, pa pride čez nekaj časa nazaj in pravi: "Ni mi uspelo". Druga gre noter lisica, pride vem zelo kmalu in pravi: "Tudi meni ni uspelo". Tretji gre noter osel in pride kmalu nazaj z vsemi papirji in pravi: "Lahko začnemo graditi. In to takoj". Kako pa ti je to uspelo, ga vprašata ostala dva??? Osel pravi: "Pridem noter in kaj! Notri sami moji sošolci"!! 


GEOGRAFIJA

Geografija po Ameriško OZ. Kakšno predstavo o svetu imajo američani:





MATEMATIKA:

Kaj je višja matematika? Ko ob dveh zjutraj potegneš koren iz neznanke 

> Začetni  tečaj dolenjščine:
>
> Beseda za žensko v dolenjščini:
>
> QQŠ
>
> Nadaljevalni tečaj dolenjščine:
>
> Beseda za moškega v dolenjščini:
>
> 5=LN
>
>
>
> Če si ne prideš gor, potem preberi naglas in se poslušaj¸.

LEKARNA

En tip reče enemu prijatelju: "Ful me boli rama. Mislim, da bi moral
k zdravniku".
Prijatelj mu svetuje naslednje: "Ne, v lekarni je en računalnik, ki
lahko diagnosticira vse celo hitreje in velikokrat cenejse od katerega
koli
zdravnika. Samo malo urina je treba naliti v posebno napravo in čez
nekaj sekund ti računalnik pove kaj je treba narediti, da bos takoj
spet
zdrav. Pa samo pet dolarjev stane".

Tip gre takoj v lekarno, najde računalnik, nalije vzorec urina in
vnese pet dolarjev.
Nato računalnik začne ropotati, veliko lučk utripa in čez nekaj sekund
dobi naslednji izpisek:
** Rama vas boli zaradi tenisa.
** Drgnite jo s vročo slano vodo dvakrat na dan.
** Ne delajte prenapornih fizičnih del z ramo.
** V dveh tednih boste spet zdrav.

Kasneje začne tip razmisljati koliko je napredovala tehnologija in
pomisli ali bi bilo mogoče zmesati računalnik. Tako je v kozarec
zmesal malo vode iz pipe, pasjih iztrebkov, urina svoje zene, urina
svoje
hčerke, na koncu pa je se masturbiral in dodal tudi malo svoje lastne
sperme.
Nato je sel spet v lekarno in nalil mesanico v napravo, vnesel pet
dolarjev
in počakal rezultat analize. Spet računalnik začne ropotati in
utripati.

Čez nekaj časa dobi malo daljsi izpisek:
** Voda iz vase pipe ni dovolj cista. Kupite nov filter.
** Vas pes ima parazite. Dejte mu vitamine in zdravila proti parazitom.
** Vasa zena je noseča. Otrok ni vas. Posvetujte se z odvetnikom.
** Vasa hčerka je narkomanka. Peljite jo na kliniko za odvajanje.
** Pa nehajte ze enkrat drkat, ker drugače vas bo rama SE ZMERAJ
bolela!!!

>Mati je delala v kuhinji in je poslušala svojega 5-letnega sina, ki se je
>igral v dnevni sobi s svojimi vlakci. Slišala je, kako se je vlak ustavil
>in sina, ki je rekel:
>  "Vsi kreteni, ki so zdejle še not, naj se čimprej skidajo ven, jebemti,
>tukaj je zadnja postaja!"
>
>In:
>  "Tisti bedaki, ki mislijo iti s tem vlakom, naj spravijo svoje lene riti
>not, ker zdejle gremo."
>
>
>Mama čisto popeni in reče:
>  "Na tak način se ne boš pogovarjal v tej hiši, pojdi v svoji sobo za dve
>uri in razmišljaj, kako bi to lahko bolje rekel in ko prideš
>
>   nazaj nočem več slišati takih besed!"
>
>
>Dve uri kasneje se sin spet igra z vlakom v dnevni in mama pozorno posluša,
>kako sin reče:
>  "Dragi potniki, hvala, da ste potovali z nami, prosim, ne pozabite na
>prtljago, upam, da boste kmalu spet potovali z nami."
>In:
>  "Za tiste, ki so ravnokar vstopili: Dragi potniki dober dan, ta del je za
>nekadilce, upam, da boste dobro potovali z nami."
>
>V trenutku, ko se začne  mama smejati, sliši:
>  "In če ste čist besni zaradi dve-urne zamude, ne mene jebat, ampak
>povejte uni pički v kuhinji!"

zmanjkuje barve v tipkovnici [niti ni smesno, samo zabavno za pogledat]

Okay, so get this.  I was noticing that my forum posts were getting a little pale, and washed out, so I went to the local office supply store to get a new ink cartridge for my keyboard, and, would you believe it, they didn't have any.  I mean, I know my keyboard is getting on in years, but is that any excuse not to carry the refills?  Do they really expect me to buy a new keyboard every year just to keep up with them?  Anyway, I figured that maybe it was just well hidden, so I cornered a clerk and asked him where the keyboard refills were, and he just stares at me!  So I ask him again, and he says he doesn't know.  So then I ask to talk to the manager, and he says he'll go get her, and as he's walking away from me I can clearly hear him laughing under his breath.  That's just rude.

Moments later Linda, the manager, comes out, and I ask her where the keyboard refills are, and get this: She tells me that they don't exist!  Now I've had to put up with a lot of crap through the years as a consumer, but this was a new one, even to me.  I mean, if you don't carry the damn product, just admit it!  Don't lie to me just to cover up your failings.  I mean, does she think I'm an idiot, or something?

Anyway, to make a long story short, I don't think I'll be shopping there anymore.  I would go into more detail, but it suddenly occurs to me that I need to go order a new ink cartridge somewhere online before I run completely out of ink.



    Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING.......

=====================================================


TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

Počakaj, da Sylvester ulovi Tweetyja...(počakaj, se splača..),...potem
poskrolaj dol.































































































*





To je test idiotizma. Koliko časa si vztrajal/a pri gledanju? *

0-2 seconds      -           zate je še precej upanja
2-5 seconds      -           imaš slab dan?
5-10 seconds     -          morda samo počasi bereš (navodilo)?
10-20 seconds   -          pomoči strokovnjaka se ti ni treba sramovati
20-30 seconds   -          priporočljivo je, da nimaš potomcev
30 sec-1 min     -           morda tega ne znaš prebrati/razumeti...zakaj se
torej mučiš?
1-2 min             -           si na povprečju srednje inteligentne
rastline
2-5 min             -           Good afternoon Mr G. Bush
5 min-1 hr          -          tak rezultat imajo mrtveci
1hr plus             -          čestitamo. Imaš negativni IQ. Za nagrado
lahko gledaš, kdaj bo zajec do konca pojedel koren.